Just Words from a FTM.

FTM- a full time mom.

Yep, that’s me. I don’t have a desk job. I don’t put in labor at a factory or at a supermarket. I don’t have to deal with the general public at all unless I take my children to the doctor or to the grocery store or mall.
But, don’t underestimate me. My job is far more important than people give me credit for. I’m a mother.
My job is to raise human beings. My job is actually pretty intimidating because I have to teach these young children how to become humans. How to act and speak. How to use a toilet. How to use eating utensils. How to brush their teeth and hair. That it’s not okay to hit, slap, kick or bite people. It’s not okay to color on anything but paper, canvas or easels. Etc.
When children are born, they know nothing. I think they may have somewhat of a natural instinct to suck on the breast, but I am pretty sure even that has to be somewhat taught.
This is my job.

I love my job. And yes, I’ve been a mother AND worked a full time job too. That was easy. I dropped Olivia off at daycare and spent the rest of my day with adults – working.
I’ve worked a part time job too. I’d wake up in the morning, feed Olivia, bathe her and get her ready, take her to the sitter and work for four or five hours and then go pick her up. The rest of the night was daily easy because dinner, bath time and bed time.
But the toughest job has been being a stay at home, full time mom. I get up early, fix breakfast, make sure my kid doesn’t choke while eating, I constantly pick up eggs or milk she’s thrown off of her table, I wipe the floor, I pick up the bowl she’s tossed after being “all done”, I wrestle with her to wipe down her hands and face, then I start cleaning. I wash the dishes, start a load of laundry, light the smelly candle so it doesn’t smell like eggs and bacon all day, change a diaper, put the trash outside, vacuum, turn on Mickey Mouse for the 100th time, sweep and mop, pull a clingy kid off of my leg, disinfect counters, fridge, table, chairs, furniture…
Then it’s nap time. Holy. Hell.
I fight. I wrestle. I fix juice a thousand times. I wrap the blanket around her in a specific way she likes it a million times. I replay “Frozen” and “Love is an Open Door” 2 million times, I fix more juice, I sternly remind her it’s nap time, I plead, I may raise my voice a little, I whisper, I try… anything. “Just go to sleep, Olivia.”
Finally, she’s asleep. “Thank you, Jesus…”
I try to make my way out of the bed, slowly, so I don’t wake her up. The floor creaks and she sits straight up – “MAMAAAAAA”. And the process starts over.
So then, after she’s finally asleep, I either take a nap or I get up to finish cleaning. Sometimes, if my chores are done, I catch up on TV. That’s a real treat.
When she wakes up, she is full blown hyper. We eat lunch, play, read books, talk, watch Mickey Mouse, wrestle, jump, scream, swim in the bathtub, whatever she wants to do. For hours, I tell ya. Hours.
Then, it’s bath time. She loves this part of the day, so I let her thoroughly enjoy it. Santa even brought her some bath paint to decorate the tub.
After bath time, we usually settle down for bed. Snuggle on the couch and watch tv. But other unusual times, she is still amped with energy. These are the times I know she will be up until 12 am. :/
So, we play and play until we can’t play anymore and then she is tired. She’s so beyond tired that she can’t go to sleep. There is a lot of crying involved at this point in the day. It’s exhausting putting her to sleep. Suddenly, she wants everything she didn’t want earlier – a blanket, a pillow, a puppy, a cup, juice, “Door” (love is an open door… that song… I could rip my eardrums out”, “back back back!!!!” (“scratch my back!”).
I try really hard, but by the end of the day I sometimes just want to leave her there to pitch a fit alone.
Now, I forgot to add in the fact that I’m pregnant and due in 26 days. Yes. I’m a freaking whale. I’m doing all of this with a hyper toddler, with a hugeeeeee belly, and hardly any energy.

I also didn’t add in if we go out in public. That’s a real story of its own.

Anyway, my point is, I do this every single day of my life. I don’t get vacation, I don’t get “sick leave” or FMLA. I don’t get to have weekends off. Every single day. No breaks, no leaving. This kid needs me.

So, the next time you say, “oh you’re so lucky you don’t have a job”, just remember, I have a pretty important job. Being a mom.

Choices (that darn word).

This post will probably come off as bitchy and that’s exactly how I intend it to be.

I absolutely despise when someone, who has made horrible choices with their own life, picks apart other people just because they’re so miserable.

For example, if you are a tramp and sleep with men or women while you are married, that’s YOUR decision. But when your husband/wife finds out and leaves you, don’t become the bitter witch who hates lovey-dovey relationships just because you royally screwed yours.

People make choices. Choices. Hear that word? You have a choice. So when you choose to ruin your life, do not blame others for your stupid decisions.

 

Now, for what this post is really about.

I am extremely happy in my relationship and I am so proud to be a young mother and wife. I would never change any decision I’ve made as far as these two roles go because I am perfectly content with my life. Sure, it has it’s difficulties, just like any other role people choose in life (there’s that darn word again). I chose to marry my best friend at twenty years old. I chose to have a child at twenty years old. I chose to keep the child I got pregnant with at eighteen years old. Hello, those were and are MY choices.

If you have a problem with MY choices, go. to. hell.

I do not broadcast my life and marriage in hopes to persuade other young couples to get knocked up and married. I hardly broadcast my relationship at all on social media. But even if I did… it would be MY choice.

My life is hardly a fairytale, but it works for me. Got that? It works. For. ME.

 

I have nothing else nice to say, so I will end it like this:

being happy is a choice you make for yourself. No one can make you happy, or sad, without your permission. Please start being a more pleasant person to be around… because right now, I can promise that no one likes you.

random thoughts.

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• I want to be a more patient mom.
I find myself losing patience very easily. Olivia was eating Cheerios tonight and threw most of them on the floor… it was really making me angry because I repeatedly asked her to stop throwing food on the floor. as easy as Cheerios are to sweep up!
I find myself quickly becoming angry with her for hiding when I say it’s time to change her diaper. or when she begs for food but pushes it away when I try to feed her. or when she takes her socks off a million times when we are out and about and it’s chilly outside.

•I want to keep my promises.
I am easily angered and I find that that makes Olivia anxious and hyper. when I am stressed or angry, she starts to have her own anxieties. tonight, she woke up with her teeth hurting and I instantly was annoyed. I was trying to comfort her and she kept pinching me and pushing me away. I was annoyed because she wouldn’t let me comfort her and she wouldn’t go back to sleep after an hour of being beat up – me, not her.
my sister was laying with us and she was so calm and her voice was so soothing. she kept reassuring Olivia that it was okay. she kept rubbing her back even though Olivia turned over and over. finally, Madison told Olivia to lay down so she could hold her and Olivia laid down. she was so still and she snuggles right up to Madison.
it completely slapped me in the face and broke my heart. if I was just more patient with her… she would have snuggled with me.

I keep promising myself that tomorrow will be a new day and that I’ll be more patient…. but I fail every time.

• I want to be more easy going
• I want to be happier
• I want to make the people around me, especially my children, feel happy and secure.

I just want to be an overall better person for my family. for myself. I’m not healthy.

I. am. enough.

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———-
as I am sitting in my bathtub, I’ve decided to write my blog.

all that I really can think right now is, “I am enough”. I’m pretty enough, I’m nice enough, I’m sensitive enough, I’m tough enough, I’m classy enough. I’m strong enough. I’m enough.
but…. is enough enough?

today I feel like I am not enough… when I try to be enough, I feel like I haven’t done enough to be enough.
are you following me?

when I’m feeling like I’m not enough, I get discouraged and sad. but I watched a video today that reminded me that I am enough. I’m enough and I need to remember that. always.
I’m strong and confident. I’m beautiful. I’m a good mom. I’m not perfect, but what’s perfect? I’m courageous. I’m a fighter. I’m brave. I’m thoughtful. I’m kind. I’m caring.
I am enough.

I just wanted to write this so that the next time I’m feeling like I am not enough, I can come back and be reminded that
I am enough.

Olivia’s first haircut!

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My little Livvy got her curly Q’s snipped on 11/2/14.
When I picked up her golden locks off of the floor, I regretted my decision to cut her hair.
Since this was her first hair cut, I thought about the fact that these curls I held in my hand were the curls that essentially grew in my womb. I miss her inside there. Not only because I miss being pregnant with her, but also because she actually slept in there. (Partially kidding).

But in all honesty, this was a sad time for me. No one else understood why I was saddened. Maybe it’s my pregnancy hormones.

But anyway, Olivia got her first trim. Maybe now it’ll grow evenly and not so much like a mullet.

Baby Bliss

Congratulations!!   It’s a……..

BOY!

Patrick and I couldn’t be more excited! Our family is growing and that’s a beautiful thing!
Trenton Joel Baker is expected to make his big arrival on February 3rd, 2015.

Relationship advice from yours truly,

Everyone knows what love is. Everyone knows what the image of love portrays. Everyone has watched a Disney fairy tale. Maybe you have loved before. Maybe you’ve been loved. Maybe you are IN love.

Whatever the case may be, let me give you some advice that I have learned in my short life time.
1.) Don’t say anything you’ll regret when you’re angry.
Let’s face it, we’ve all been angry at someone we love. We’re human. We say things that we don’t mean. We get angry over stupid things. But one thing that I’ve learned is to never ever say anything mean, hurtful or nasty while you’re angry. Unless you really mean it, don’t say it.
2.) Forgive.
Yes, you’re angry at him/her. But, think of it this way… if he/she were to get into a car accident at this very moment, would you be okay with living with the fact that he/she died or got hurt while you were angry? Was the anger worth it? If the answer is no, then do yourself a favor and forgive the person who hurt you.
3.) Spend alone time together.
It’s fun to hang out with friends, go to parties, be young. But, invest some time with your one and only and your relationship will flourish. I promise.
4.) Never put one person on the couch during a fight. 
Even if you are mad at him/her, don’t kick them out. Sleep together always. Even if it kills you to be next to them. Turn your back away, but don’t kick each other out. Sleeping together means sticking together, always.
5.) Realize that you’re different.
God made every single human being on this earth different. You both need to realize that you do not have the same interests. You like different foods, different tv shows, different books… etc. THIS IS THE REASON YOU WERE ATTRACTED TO HIM/HER in the first place. Embrace it. Love it. Get over it.
6.) Never give up.
Even in your worst argument. Even in the darkest, saddest times. Lean on each other. Talk it out. You need each other. Go to counseling if that is what it takes. Don’t do it for the children. Do it for yourselves.
If you put God in the middle of the relationship – whether it be broken or dysfunctional – the relationship will grow and be fixed as long as you both pray and never give up hope.
I really want to encourage all couples to take some of this advice. I don’t care if you’re old, young, middle aged, etc. take this advice and love your lover. Don’t push them away during a fight, don’t do or say things you don’t mean. Love them with all your heart. Put trust in them and do not break their trust with you.
Always place God in the middle, and your relationship will be sure to grow!
xoxo ♥